The Express Tribune

In my earlier blog, I wrote about the influx of Turkish dramas on Pakistani television channels. Ever since Urdu 1’s Ishq-e-Mamnoon shot to fame there has been no looking back. In fact, the Pakistani audience has been literally swept off their feet. For me, this was followed by a desire to appreciate the wonderful Turkish culture in person. While making travel plans with four of my friends we unanimously agreed on Turkey as our vacation destination. Our plan was to have an adventurous backpacking sort of trip for nine days and we set out with our ambitious itinerary. I am glad to say that our trip turned out to be nothing short of what we expected. Our hectic tour consisted of eight flights, four train journeys, several shuttles and a night spent at the airport but we successfully managed to see some of the most spectacular places on earth. Turkey offers a myriad of cultural and sacred experiences, from the ancient Greek city of Ephesus to the glorious history of Topkapi Sarayi (Palace) and from the Virgin Mary’s last abode to the iconic Blue Mosque. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Inside the grand Blue Mosque. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption] The region literally encapsulates the best of what the world has seen over the decades. I was truly awed by the remarkable wonders of nature that exist in the country, particularly the travertines of Pamukale and the colossal cave city of Cappadocia. I had been told that I would lose my mind at these two sites, but trust me this was an understatement. In spite of having seen so much, I still feel that there is a lot left to be explored, discovered and admired. In addition to indulging in all the touristy activities, my friends and I embarked on a different journey – one that offered us a deeper insight into the daily life of the Turkish. It took me no time to get smitten by the whirling dervish, the aromatic kahve (tea) houses and the mouth-watering baklava, but besides the basic allure of Turkey, I have my very own list of the ‘Best of Turkey’:

Cay

Served in tiny tubular cups, Turkish tea is a customary favourite. Brewed in uniquely styled kettles, it is consumed numerous times during the day and also serves as a symbol of hospitality. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="336"]

Turkish tea is a must-have the next time you are in Turkey. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption]

Grand bazaar

How I loved this place! It is a shopper’s paradise where bargaining is the order of the day. You will find it next to impossible to resist the beautiful ceramics and the blazing glass lamps. Of course, the shopping experience here is enhanced by the harmless and occasional flirting that the vendors indulge in, not to mention the opportunity it creates for you to score a good deal! [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"]

Looking for ceramics, lamps, clothes and spices? The Grand Bazaar is the place to go! Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption]

Bosphorous

Istanbul and its’ beauty owes a lot to this stunning piece of nature, with its gentle waves and wide expanse. A ferry ride across this strait is not to be missed. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

A cruise on the Bosphorus. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption]

Simet and chestnuts

These are the traditional street foods which you must munch-on while strolling around the sites and squares of Turkey. Simet, which looks like a pretzel is a delightfully crunchy and chewy twisted ring studded with a generous topping of sesame seeds. Vendors sell it for a lira and it is the local favourite. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Enjoy some Simet as you get lost in the history of Turkey. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption] Chestnuts are another local favourite snack and are sold roasted and warm. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Roasted chestnuts are easily available in Turkey and are wonderful to munch on while you stroll through the cobbled streets. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption]

Taksim

Connected to Istiklal Avenue, Taksim Square gives you a taste of modern Turkey and the area boasts fashion and food. With several international high street brands, this square is a gastronome’s heaven of Turkish delicacies and it is not surprising that Taksim is known to be a celebrity hot spot. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="336"]

Tourists and shoppers on Istiklal Street. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption] I especially love the fancy little trams that run between the streets. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="336"]

A tram weaving its way through Istiklal Street. Photo: Farwa Aamer[/caption]

People

The most admirable thing about Turkey, without a doubt is its people. Hospitality, generosity and warmth are at the core of their personalities and they can befriend anyone. In spite of language barriers, they try their best to help you out and make you feel at home in their country. I can go on and on about the marvels of Turkey but for now, you will have to be content with this excerpt from my travel diary. Those nine days are etched in my memory and I cannot wait to be back to see more of what Turkey has to offer! So people, you know where to plan your next escapade. But a word of caution – avoid planning a vacation in Turkey during winters. They are harsh! But beautiful. The rest is up to you! Bon voyage!

My accounting teacher back in O-level (Grade 11) gave us an example of how conservative and hypocritical our Pakistani society can be. She said there are certain tribal areas in Pakistan that are against the education of women and would oppose it on every front. But when one of the girls from their area would end up becoming a successful doctor they would proudly exclaim,

“Ye dekho, humara larki doctor ban gaya hai!” (Look at that, our daughter has become a doctor!)

I have realised this attitude is not just restricted to the tribal areas. Pakistanis do not recognise or appreciate good things while they are in the making, but come the day when the result of that hard work is realised, they will shower you with praise. A person doing something out of the ordinary is normally opposed vehemently and if, God forbid, they end up failing, the entire clan comes barging in with an ‘I-told-you-so smirk’ on their faces saying,

“See! We had predicted this all along!”

But if the person succeeds, then, as narrated above by my teacher, they become the pride and joy of all. We live in a society filled with negativity and it is this pessimism that restricts positive change. The favourite word of the majority here is ‘Nahin’ (No). You’ll hear a lot of,

“Aray ye kya kare ga?” (Oh what will he do?)

And,

“Aray aisa karnay se kuch faida nahin hoga” (You'll achieve nothing by doing this)

To make sure we’re on the same page, I am not talking about politics here. In fact, as far as politics go, I might find reasons to support the negativity in people because, frankly speaking, our politicians seem to have made it their goal to constantly disappoint us. But in general, this negativity, cynicism and disparagement is everywhere. When someone wants to be an entrepreneur, he is discouraged and given unsolicited advice to not take such a big risk and instead do something more ‘stable’.

“Business mai buhat risks hein bhai, lut jao gai.” (There are a lot of risks in the business world, you will go bankrupt)

The same goes for those who want to pursue becoming an artist or musician

“Art mein stable career nahin hai, bank mai job karo” (There is no stable career in arts or music, get a job in a bank)

Those who are talented in other fields, still choose to chase the ideal combination of a Bachelors degree in Business Administration coupled with an MBA degree to work in a bank for the rest of their lives. Admiration will follow you and your success stories will be lauded in the family and social circles. People, related to you or not, will take pride in the new car you just bought, on how you got promoted or how you found a girl you want to marry in the same bank as yourself. You will be success personified. But what happens to you if you choose the risky, more adventurous route instead? What if you want to be a musician? People around you will constantly remind you that you are wasting your life away in a field that does not even qualify as a ‘job’ in their eyes. But if you still choose to follow your heart and do what you believe is your calling and become successful, then what will our good people say then? It’s simple really. They will say

“Ye dekho humara larka kitna mashoor rockstar ban gaya hai!” (Look at that, our son has become a famous rockstar!)

The negativity will follow you until you succeed, but the question is, are you brave enough to take the risk? I hope, for the sake of this country and the talent it has safely tucked away (or killed off), that I have what it takes to follow my heart, and you do too.

Devyani Khobragade is one lucky, lucky lady. To say that about someone who is possibly facing 10 years in prison and was arrested publicly in front of her daughter’s school over visa fraud, is a bit of a stretch, but hear me out. Khobragade, 39, is an Indian diplomat living in the United States. She is the deputy consul general in New York and currently out on bail. She is someone Pakistani diplomats should be jealous of. Not because she allegedly made USD100, 000 per year. Not because she gets to live in New York. But because as soon as she was publicly humiliated by Uncle Sam, the entire Indian bureaucratic community stood by her and showed an impressive amount of defiance to the most powerful country in the world. Last week, Khobragade was handcuffed and charged with visa fraud. She has also been accused to have underpaid her housemaid. She was stripped and cavity searched and was set in detention with drug addicts. Somewhere in the distance I can hear Amir Khan frantically scribbling down a script. Post the Khobragade arrest, the Indian diplomatic community went on a garish lock-down. They were firm and their reactions were pointedly retaliatory to the misconduct. You cannot treat our diplomats like crap and get away with it, the Indian reaction stated. The statement was heard loud and clear. The home minister, vice president, speaker of the parliament, leader of the opposition and national security advisor – all refused to meet the US congressional delegation as a reaction. The concrete barriers in front of the US Embassy in Delhi were removed. On the other hand, the US State Department issued its statement that diplomatic security had followed standard procedures during the arrest. The Indian government insisted that it had diplomatic immunity and was publicly humiliated by law enforcement agencies. The American government heard the message and responded as nicely as it could, given the circumstances. They stated that they would ‘review the arrest’ and understand that it is a ‘sensitive issue for many in India’. Whether or not Khobragade’s housemaid was employed well under the US minimum wage, whether or not the documents were false, one thing is for sure, India knows that it is next in line to become a global superpower and it will not let anyone forget it. With an impressive economic growth chart over the last 10 years and a powerful population of 1.2 billion, India is not going to take a leaf out of Pakistan’s book and let America do as it pleases with citizens of a weaker country. If Devyani Khobargade was a Pakistani, she would either have had to sit in jail and face the sentence or Pakistan would have attempted back-door deals with the US or a compromise brokered by Saudi Arabia. Or worse, if Devyani was stepping on the wrong toes back home, Pakistan would have abandoned their diplomat to her fate and called her a 'bad seed'. Unlike the defiance shown by India, our stance would be:

“Please let her go. We promise we will not do it again. Here, want a new area for drone strikes? Come, we have plenty.”

The narrative between India and the United States and Pakistan and the United States is as different as it can possibly be. While India acknowledges and engages in the power that America has, Pakistan fears and serves the American system. Just like we Pakistanis are gradually losing the ability to think for ourselves, we are also losing the ability to fend for ourselves. Whether it is drone strikes or Osama bin Laden, we have only sputtered half-hearted cries in protest when Americans cross our lines. Our diplomats know and act from the position of subordination. So do our politicians. And thus, the frustration that steams the ‘Die America Die!’ chant becomes nothing but wall chalking that stray dogs urinate on. With such fear at hand, Pakistan is in no place to fight, protest or even take intense and credible actions against American blights. In a frighteningly literal sense, the Americans are getting away with murder in Pakistan. It seems that the international rule book of foreign policy and conventions in pretty Swiss backgrounds have no meaning in real life. Laws and reasons behind protecting a country’s sovereignty, providing humane treatment to international criminals, not invading a country’s airspace – all fail to materialise in a relationship that is precariously harboured between Pakistan and the United States. Today (irrespective of who is right or wrong in the Devyani Khobragade case) India showed that the relationship between India and the United States is not one of craven submission or fear. But if Pak-US relations were to be defined, the only name that could possibly be given is…

Raymond Allen Davis.

Once upon a time, a Pakistani who also happened to be an Urdu literature lover, was travelling from one city to another somewhere in the northern areas of Pakistan. Throughout his journey, only two books were his companion – Deewan-e-Ghalib and Kalaam-e- Iqbal. During a long bus journey, his tired and weary yet over-imaginative mind was in a half-sleeping and half-dreaming state. In this trance, he found Ghalib and Iqbal sitting in the seats right next to him talking to each other, completely oblivious of his presence. This is the conversation that ensued between these two great Urdu poets: Iqbal

“Aah! Look at those beautiful mountains and lush green valleys. If you remember Ghalib sahib, I had once said,

Nahin tera nasheman qasr-e-sultani kay gumbad pe, Tu shaheen hai basera kar paharon hi chatanon per (Your abode is not on the dome of a royal palace, For you are an eagle, destined to live on the hard rock’s of mountains)

But very few people now seem to remember this message, sigh.”

Ghalib

“You are right. Muslims have a short memory Iqbal sahib, especially when it comes to what their elders said. By the way, last week I was in one of your big cities for only three days. Trust me, there were times when I felt,

Rahiye ab aisi jagah chal kar, jahan koi na ho, Hum sukhan koi nah o, aur hum zubaan koi na ho (It is time to now go somewhere and live where no one resides, Where neither there is someone to talk with, nor someone to understand the language)

The city was over-crowded and literally seemed to be bursting at the seams. But no one really seemed to care about the next person. People seemed to be too busy in their own ‘cocoons’ – in their self-created world. I was surprised to see their selfish ways and found them to be quite similar to our cities back in India as well. The world has changed Iqbal sahib and not for the better I think.”

Iqbal

“That is so true. If you look at any city today – big or small – people seem to have become more and more materialistic, corrupt and selfish. Yet, in spite of being so self-absorbed, they seem even unhappier. They seem to have forgotten the very reason that this country was made for. I wish they could share the dream I had for this land.

Mahroom-e-tamasha ko phir deeda-e-beena de, Dekha hai jo kuch mein ne, auron ko bhi dikhla de (Give piercing vision to those so deprived of sight, Show to others whatever I have seen)

I was dismayed to see that instead of being concerned for this ailing country, the younger generation is busy with their own petty love stories, political feuding and worst of all, malicious practices and propaganda against each other in the name of religion. Yesterday, I went to pray at a mosque but there was a group of young men outside, who asked me, ‘Are you Sunni or Shia?’ What a question!”

Ghalib

“Hahaha! I was pulled aside in a crowded market once and asked to lead the prayers since a group of people missed the congregation prayers in the mosque. My beard must have given them the impression that I was religious. But then they found another person right there with a beard that was an inch longer than mine and thankfully they let me go. I personally think that our youth is frustrated because of a lack of opportunities and corruption. Unfortunately, they are all too aware that there is no future for them even if they manage to get an education somehow. There are no employment opportunities without having influential contacts and sources. In such a situation, what else can be expected?

Gham gar-che jaan-gsal hai, par kahan tak bachein kay dil hai, Gham-e-ishq gar na hota, gham-e-rozgaar hota (Threatening as love is, there is no deliverance from the heart, If not the torment of love, it would be the torment of living)

I find it sad that we, the early generation, failed to establish corruption-free systems and now the youth have to reap what we sowed.”

Iqbal

“Hmmm, perhaps you are right Ghalib sahib. But I do not understand how and where we went wrong? We were on the right track when we started but then I do not know what happened.

Uss mauj kay maatam mein, roti hai bhanwar ki, Darya say uthi, per saahil say na takrayee (The whirlpool mourning, eyes weep for that lost wave, Born of the sea and yet never to reach the shores)

Do you remember how jubilant we were when we succeeded in our struggle for a separate land – the land of the pure? We forgot all our personal sorrows and sacrifices because finally, we had the most important thing – our Pakistan.”

Ghalib

“Not just Pakistan Iqbal sahib, look at India as well. Things are not very different there either. Basically I think that all of us forgot everything and celebrated too soon. The euphoria of driving the British off our soil put us in that toxic state of a high where we forgot the very reason we drove them out in the first place. Perhaps, this sense of elation affected the whole nation like sweet, slow poison. And now we complain about corruption, poverty, unemployment and religious chaos. I find it so sad that every other educated person wants to migrate to the US, UK or Canada to earn a decent living, realise their potential and live a better life.

Hai ab iss maamooray mein qahet-e-gham-e-ulfat Asad, Hum nay maana kay Dilli mein rahein, per khaweingay kya? (There is now in this town, a famine of the grief of love, Asad We have agreed that we would remain in Delhi – but what will we eat?)

Oh! That reminds me, have you filed your immigration papers for Canada yet Iqbal sahib? What happened?”

Iqbal

“I did get a call from the authorities. My papers have been accepted and soon I will be off to Canada for good. They have decided to open a research university based on my philosophy and teachings. I guess that is the only way to keep myself sane and express my ideology without fear. I can no longer change my opinions just to please the ‘religious scholars’ here and I know that the west will listen to what I have to say with a more open mind. After all, how many times can I write Jawab-e-shikwa?

Bada kareem hai Iqbal-e-be-nawa lekin Ataa-e-shola, shararr kay siwa kuch aur nahin (Though beneficent I be, I am of hand yet free, What can the burning flame bestow, except its spark and glow)

So, what have you decided Ghalib sahib? I guess the extremists – be it Hindus or Muslims – are not too pleased with your ideology as well. You have always talked about the need for peace, harmony, love and oneness of all humanity and this message is nothing short of ‘blasphemy’ in these circumstances.”

Ghalib

“No plans really Iqbal sahib. All my friends like Meer, Momin, Haali, Sauda, even the young lads like Faiz and Faraz have left for greener pastures. I think I will also decide within the next few days. I have invitations from almost all the countries in the west.

Raw mein hai rakhsh-e-umer, kahan dekhiye thamay, Nay haath bag pe hain, na paa hai rakaab mein (The steed of lifetime is in motion, let us see where he might halt, Neither is the hand on the reins, nor is the foot in the stirrup)

I do not know what His plans for me are but I do know that living here has become a nightmare. How long am I supposed to stay silent?”

Iqbal

“Hmmm, I know what you mean. I will miss this land and some sincere people no matter what. But the situation over the last few decades has become such that I have not been able to sleep at nights for a long time.

Issi kashmakash mein guzri, meri zindagi ki raatein, Kabhi soz-o-saaz-e-roomi, kabhi pech-o-taab-e-raazi (So many nights of my life wasted in the same old conflicts, Sometimes the ecstasy and melody of Rumi, other times confusion and dilemma of Raazi)

Not saying it the way it is in fear of displeasing the religious lords and politicians just isn’t my cup of tea.”

Ghalib

“Yes, I feel the same. I really do not know how I will live away from my beloved Dilli. But as you said, it is important to express what is in our hearts and minds. Sometimes I seriously feel that it was all a waste.

Na tha kuch tou, khuda tha, kuch na hota tou khuda hota, Duboya mujh ko honay nay, na hota main tuo kia hota? (When nothing existed, then God was there; had nothing been, God would have been, My own being has defeated me, had I not been what would have been?)

Well, nothing except Allah.”

And suddenly, the ‘true’ Pakistani – that poor Muslim (not a Sunni, Shia or any other sect – just a Muslim) Urdu literature lover snapped out of his weird dream and looked around the bus in embarrassment. However, all the passengers were busy looking at cricket scores and listening to cheap songs on their mobile phones. This ‘true’ Pakistani was last seen somewhere on the streets of America.

Pakistan’s snooker players are known worldwide for their consistent participation and spectacular performances in international events. However, in spite of the fact that the sport is played all over Pakistan, and played well, snooker players remain unknown to their own countrymen since their performance and victories are not given the due attention they deserve. Just recently, four Pakistani snooker players gave another bout of outstanding performances in Latvia at the International Billiards and Snooker Federation (IBSF) World Snooker Championship. All four of them came out at the top of their groups before the knock-out round in which Muhammad Sajjad won the bronze medal. The year 2013 had begun with on-going jubilation from the previous year when Muhammad Asif became the World Amateur Snooker Champion in December, 2012 in Bulgaria. Asif was the third Pakistani to reach the final round of the world event. Before him Mohammad Yousuf had won the World Amateur Snooker Championship in 1994, while Saleh Mohammad was the runner up in 2004. This was an immense achievement not only for Asif but for the Pakistan Billiards and Snooker Federation (PBSF) as well, which has been struggling hard to bring international snooker activities to Pakistan. Prior to this tournament, the Pakistani duo – Asif and Sajjad – won the final event of the World Snooker Championship in October 2013 in Ireland where they beat Iran’s Sohail and Amir by two points. Asif and Sajjad had reached the final by beating the seasoned Irish home team in the semi-final. I find it astonishing that cricket and hockey teams rarely provide their fans with such consistently brilliant performances and yet, their events are anticipated, celebrated and discussed in every nook and corner of the country. And this is especially true for cricket. If cricketers perform well, they are heroes and if their performance fails to meet the expectations of their fans, they are dissected by sports analysts and fans alike. In short, they get the attention that they deserve (and sometimes, even that which they do not deserve). Many Pakistanis proclaim that we are a sports-frenzied nation. But truth be told, we are only a cricket-frenzied nation. Such is our obsession with this single sport that we have ended up neglecting every other sport that is a source of trophies and pride for the country. We have managed to overlook the accomplishments of not only our national game – hockey – but also athletics, wrestling, volleyball and snooker. How many Pakistanis today would know that these are the games which have raised Pakistan’s status at every sporting platform, be it the Olympics, World Championships or competitions with Asian countries? I am afraid not too many. Snooker actually happens to be a very popular game across Pakistan and there is probably not a city or town that does not know of the sport or does not have snooker tables. However, the sport is still far away from reaching its true potential. The flaw lies with the unavailability of coaches. Only major cities and the snooker federation have qualified snooker coaches. And as much as the federation would like to help, their lack of funds poses a restriction since tournaments are not played at the district level under the supervision of the federation. Another instance which highlights the enormous talent and potential of Pakistani snooker players is that even though our players were not aware of the changes in rules by the international snooker governing body, they still managed to play exceptionally well. The successive wins of the year also helped convince the IBSF to let Pakistan host various international events. According to the IBSF’s future program, the Six Red World Team Snooker Championship will be held in Karachi in 2015. This is a great honour for the PBSF as other federations have failed to stage any international events in Pakistan. Therefore, winning this bid to host these events will give the sport long-term credibility in Pakistan. Prior to this, Karachi also hosted the Seven Nation International Snooker Championship in 2012. All in all, the year 2013 proved to be an impressive and successful year in every aspect – winning a world championship, becoming the finalist in the World Snooker Championship and winning the bid to host 40 nations in the 2015 World Snooker Championship! However, it is still a bitter-sweet feeling since in spite of accomplishing so much, the sport is still side-lined in the country. So, my request to my people is to wake up and recognise where the country is truly making a mark, rather than lamenting over inconsistent performances in other sporting arenas.

Last year, our nation went through many a tragedy. From being held hostage by terrorists to being engulfed by sectarian violence, the terror spree has gone on without any breaks. In this madness, we have had our politicians providing us their 'pearls of wisdom'. While this year we have missed the late Pir Pagara, Zulfiqar Mirza, Pervez Musharraf, Rehman Malik and the like, who had given us truly memorably comments regarding national security in the past, I was still able to collect some quotes which managed to become top headlines. Here is how our leaders and politicians have shared their valuable opinions on issues of key importance to Pakistan and its people. Diesel syndrome

"Even a dog killed by America is a martyr" – Maulana Fazlul Rehman (Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam)

Maulana Fazlu Rehman’s brief statement on killing of banned TTP’s commander. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Maulana Fazlul Rehman. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Guerrilla alert

"We are not going to succeed because Taliban are masters of guerrilla warfare" – Imran Khan (Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf)

On killing of the TTP chief, Imran Khan warned the nation and Pakistan Army against the Taliban’s tried and tested warfare strategy. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Imran Khan. Photo: Reuters[/caption] TTP Pvt Ltd

"Allow the Taliban to open offices in Pakistan" – Imran Khan (PTI)

Imran Khan’s demand despite knowing the fact that Taleban in Afghanistan are fighting a war against external forces unlike TTP attacking Pakistan Army and own people.

Killer apps

"Dear burgers, sorry about Skype/Viber/Whatsapp. Excuse us while we catch some terrorists and save some lives. SMS for 3 months" – Bilawal Bhutto Zardari (Pakistan Peoples Party)

This surprising justification came from Bilawal Bhutto Zardari, when the Sindh government decided to ban different online communication apps. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Bilawal Bhutto Zardari. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Basant in Karachi

"Pakistan had won freedom from Britain in 1947 but our Karachi is still a colony of London. We’ll cut the kite controlled by phone calls from London" – Bilawal Bhutto (PPP)

Bilawal enlightens the youth on how Basant should be celebrated in Karachi.

Ministry of Fear

"The TTP should be given religious ministries in the federal and provincial cabinets as a good will gesture." - PTI Central Vice President, Mian Mukarram Shah (PTI)

In an attempt to protect the nation from the wrath of Taliban, the PTI vice president came up with the remarkable demand of distributing religious ministries to the banned TTP group. Question of tamasha

“Tamasha not an un-parliamentary word” – Chaudhry Nisar (Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz)

The interior minister, after a thorough research, claimed that the word ‘tamasha’ (performance) had been used 45 times during the last five years in the parliament and no one had objected. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Chaudhry Nisar. Photo: AFP[/caption] Call of duty

"Those people who are protesting - and grandstanding - near Three Swords - I don't want to fight or quarrel but if I order my supporters now, they will go to Three Swords and turn them in reality". – Altaf Hussain (Muttahida Qaumi Movement)

The MQM chief warned his opponents to either accept the election results or get ready to face the consequences. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Altaf Hussain. Photo: Reuters[/caption] From Britain, with love

"Even Jinnah held a British passport and took oath of allegiance to the then British King, George VI" – Altaf Hussain (MQM)

The MQM chief reminded the nation about the passport carried by the father of the nation, giving a lesson which seldom history teachers ever impart to their students.

An Ajrak wedding

"A wedding reception at Sindh Assembly is not a big deal" - Agha Siraj Durrani (PPP)

Agha Siraj Durrani concluded the debate by endorsing wedding receptions at the Sindh Assembly as no big deal. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Agha Siraj Durrani. Photo: File[/caption] A swift solution to all our problems

"Democracy has failed and martial law should be implemented in Pakistan." - Syed Faisal Raza Abidi (PPP)

After witnessing the democratic government's performance, former PPP Senator Syed Faisal Raza Abidi revealed his swift and easy solution to all of Pakistan's problems. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Syed Faisal Raza Abidi. Photo: File[/caption] Terrorists, by invite only

"We did not invite Osama bin Laden to Pakistan, or even to Afghanistan" – Yousuf Raza Gillani (PPP)

Former PM Yousuf Raza Gillani while defending Pakistan to the international community. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Yousuf Raza Gillani. Photo: Reuters[/caption] Seeing eye to eye

"I’ll see how anyone arrests me. The NAB (National Accountability Bureau) chairman is himself summoned, how can he summon me?" Yousuf Raza Gillani (PPP)

Former PM Yousuf Raza Gillani defends himself against corruption charges. Rebel, much?

"Nawaz Sharif was, and remains, my leader, as I hold him in high esteem" – Jawed Hashmi (PTI)

Jawed Hashmi showed complete faith and respect in his ex leader, whom he left because he was not in agreement with his ideologies in the first place. Okay, now I am confused. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Javed Hashmi. Photo: File[/caption] The martyr debate

"Hakimullah was a martyr" – Munawar Hasan (Jamaat-e-Islami)

Munawar Hasan, chief of JI, gives the title of martyrdom to the TTP chief, ignoring the sacrifices of hundreds of Pakistani soldiers. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Munawar Hasan. Photo: File[/caption] Of allegations and ideas

"Punjab University’s vice chancellor is a playboy type person" – Fareed Paracha (JI)

JI leader Fareed Paracha calls Punjab University vice chancellor a ‘playboy type' because of his liberal ideologies.

Rumour has it

"Veena Malik is a bloody liar. Does she deserve coffee? I hate her." - Shaikh Rasheed

Sheikh Rasheed reacts aggressively when a 'coffee invitation' to Veena Malik goes public. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Sheikh Rasheed. Photo: File[/caption] Jail Break

"I think K-P government should resign on the failure despite having report of the exact date. I do not know what the K-P Chief Minister Pervez Khattak, this teeli pehlwan (thin fighter), was doing" – Rana Sanaullah – (PML-N)

Rana Sanaullah shows his anger on the K-P chief minister's helplessness over the Dera Ismail Khan jail break. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="590"]

Rana Sanaullah. Photo: Reuters[/caption] These were the most unquotable quotes by our leaders in 2013 and each comment had its own entertainment value - irrespective of how repulsive they might have been. This also highlights one very important thing - our leaders really need to start practicing the age-old advice of weighing ones words before speaking them. It would do them well to follow it. Correction: This post previously contained a picture of Mukarram Khan, a journalist from FATA. The mistake has now been rectified. The error is regretted.

Our ordeal had begun. She said to me,

“What if something goes wrong? We will be doomed, my whole life will be ruined and they might even kill me.”

Although I was scared, I responded in a brave voice,

“Don’t be scared, just have faith and everything will be alright.”

We were stuck in the midst of a battle to reclaim our lives and live it according to our aspirations and desires. The only other option we had was to abandon our hopes in the name of chauvinistic traditions, where women were the sole victims of culture and tradition. Her destiny had been sealed by her father who had promised her to an ill reputed relative, known for drugs and poor conduct in exchange for a new motorbike and some cash. I had tried all my options. I even sent my parents in a graceful and decent way to propose for hand, but her father had resisted because some malicious voices in the village or her family had informed him about our telephonic conversations, whereupon he had rejected my parents on more than one occasion. We were becoming desperate now. We were running out of time and with each passing day our desperation was growing in magnitude. We could wait and see if there was some natural way out of this difficulty or take a path clogged with many known and unknown perils. We knew that there were all sorts of risks on the cards – family reputations, feuds between the families and most importantly, our own lives were in danger. One day, she started crying while talking to me on the phone and vented all her frustration onto me, accusing me for not having a viable solution. This pushed me to take an initiative – an initiative that would change our lives. We decided to run away from the village. The plan was to take her to a village far away from our own and live with my extended family after we got married. We knew that it was a dangerous proposition and we were both literally trembling as the day came closer. Just a single mistake, mishap, miscalculation of time or someone seeing us fleeing would mean that we were doomed. Only her mother and brother had a soft corner for me and they considered me capable enough to take care of her. But they could not go against her father – a man who had no flexibility at all. His mere arrival and presence at home brought an ominous silence in their house. He would always have a kalashnikov slung over his shoulder and was also notoriously known for killing two innocent people in a family feud. We had planned to run away on a day that he would not be home. She told me that she was ready and finally had the support of her mother as well. It was almost dusk as I rode my motorbike towards her house. I was wearing a traditional shawl around my head which covered my face as well. I heaved a great sigh of relief as I stopped the bike in front of her door. The first step of the plan was over. Her mother was with her at the gate and both of them were sobbing. Through tears and sobs, her mother asked me to take good care of her daughter. I promised her that I would and we bid our farewells. I started the bike but the moment I pressed down on the accelerator and turned the bike around, we saw her father pointing his Ak-47 at us. He ordered us to stop or else he would shoot. I felt frozen to the spot but then in a rush of adrenaline, I turned my bike around, hoping that he would not shoot. After all, how could a father shoot his daughter? I accelerated the bike with her holding on tightly to me. But we had only gone about 10 metres when I heard shots from the kalashnikov. Then I felt something fall off my bike. I felt my heart stop. She had been hit and had fallen of the bike. My brain was numb – with fear, regret, pain. Without thinking, I kept driving and did not look back. As I drove, I could feel her blood on my skin seeping through my clothes - her blood, spilled by the cold-blooded murderer who had killed his own daughter in the name of honour. I could not believe it. I had lost my biggest dream. The person I had loved more than life itself had died right in front of my eyes and I had not been able to do anything. It has now been six years since the incident. I am now in the Frontier Constabulary, serving in Balochistan, with my wife and two children. I still remember her – her sparkling eyes filled with hopes and dreams, and her lively voice as she made plans for the future. She would often tell me how she wanted to decorate our house, what kind of furniture she would put in our room and which electrical appliances she would buy from the savings of my salary. These were the little dreams that she wanted to turn into reality with me. But she was not given the chance of living her own life by her chauvinistic and bigoted father who could not understand that the happiness of his children is far more important and greater than centuries-old norms. No one knows what happened that day except her mother, brother and father and they have all kept the story a secret. All the people of the village know is that her father shot her due to some personal family issues. No case has been lodged against him by anyone. Her mother still lives with the pain, her brother has moved on and her father has hypocritically married a woman fleeing with him from another village. When I think of her, I feel shameful for being a coward and running away. I feel guilty for her death. But then, this was the risk that we had taken. She had wanted to live her life according to her own wishes and dreams. Unfortunately, in the pursuit of that distant goal of freedom from male chauvinism and bigotry, she had sacrificed her life and I had lost my love. Religion allows you to pay heed to the choice and preferences of your children in such situations. In fact, it recommends that children should be consulted and their views should be given importance when it comes to such important decisions of life. I wonder how many women have been silenced in the name of honour by the elders and parents in the various regions of Pakistan. How many jirgas, panchayats or parents end up taking law into their own hands and give death sentences to their own blood, when the sin committed is simply of having fallen in love and getting married to someone of their own choice? When will this insanity end? (Honour killings are one of the biggest ailments in Pakistan where women become victims of the draconian tribal laws and customs. This story is based on a personal anecdote that I heard from the locals of my native region Lakki Marwat, which I later converted into this work of fiction.)

I spent much of the last week of 2013 writing a review about the fantastic year Pakistani music had just had. On the first day of 2014, I woke up to the video of Arbaz Khan and Mathira’s song, Jhoota. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] My life will never be the same again. To start off with, I was a bit disappointed that Arbaz was not Salman Khan’s brother/Malaika Arora’s husband, a fact which said more about how irrelevant my references were and less about the situation. In fact, when Malaika Arora was actually worth knowing about (MTV Loveline, circa 2000) this particular Arbaz was still a zygote. To put that in plain English, a video which is already one of the raunchiest you will see this year, involves Mathira cavorting provocatively with a 12-year-old child who can rap. The video’s most offensive aspect is the scandalous amount of auto-tune on Mathira’s voice, which makes it difficult to focus on the lyrics. Once you do, you enter a world so bizarre that all the hipsters in the world couldn’t muster enough irony to mock it. You see, Arbaz spits out rhymes about how he’s going to make Mathira ‘his honey’ while she expresses doubts about his honesty. The fact that Arbaz has yet to hit puberty makes this video feel like a particularly zealous student trying to gain admission to a tuition centre where the teacher pouts a lot. Jhoota is also a fitting riposte to last year’s viral sensation Taher Shah, who had preached a life based on Eye to Eye. Arbaz wasn’t really tall enough to reach Mathira’s eyes, but the view he settled upon has many seething in envy. In my mind, both the video as well as its content make this the ideal candidate for the Pakistani version of Rickrolling. Here are some examples. https://twitter.com/karachikhatmal/status/418376554071470080 https://twitter.com/karachikhatmal/status/418374775283933185 The internet’s initial reaction was to blame Mathira and do the usual Pakistani thang of ogling at a woman while condemning her to the eternal hell fire. However, some voices pointed out that surely the responsibility to discipline and protect Arbaz belonged with the parents. Well, in a plot twist so bizarre that it would make even the messed-up parents on the Jerry Springer Show say “N***a Whaa?” the video was directed by none other than Arbaz’s own brother. The Khan household must have some off-the-hook family videos, it would seem. Most of the best tweets on the matter are not really printable on ET’s page, but here are some of the most safe-to-see reactions. Political options for the duo: https://twitter.com/ZarrarKhuhro/status/418651505865285632 https://twitter.com/XilleIlahi/status/418653077621579776 Trying to make sense of what one just saw: https://twitter.com/mlotia/status/418344417582645248 https://twitter.com/OmairrAslam/status/418354938209525760 https://twitter.com/SheikhImaan/status/418383726528057344 https://twitter.com/asadaly_/status/418357411695439876 Suggesting what might, or should have happened: https://twitter.com/YSHayat/status/418361589587525632 https://twitter.com/ahsanhaseeb/status/418410072164028416 https://twitter.com/Shumyl/status/418356982291369984 https://twitter.com/merabichrayaar/status/418365966997655552 https://twitter.com/NotAPaidActor/status/418394539930705920 The prediction and the result: https://twitter.com/omar_quraishi/status/418376254321340416 https://twitter.com/unodanish/status/418479827272728576 Post-script: I did manage to hear another, rather lovely song later in the day where we had another far-too-young-Romeo chasing after an older woman. This time around, the video was cute and the only body parts the boy stuck his face in were another man’s arm pit, so no one seemed to mind. Do check out the song though – Jimmy Khan & the Big Ears with Nadiya – just for fun!

I didn’t hear about journalist Cyril Almeida’s investigation and subsequent tweets against the restaurant ‘La Maison’ through the news or any blogs he might have written. I heard about it from my friends on Facebook, people who are otherwise active in liberal circles and rightfully vocal against the many injustices of Pakistani society. But the injustice that they were complaining about was Almeida’s outrage that a restaurant in Islamabad bans Pakistanis unless they hold a dual nationality. Read that again. They were complaining about his actions, not the restaurant’s policies. https://twitter.com/cyalm/status/411190250116235264 https://twitter.com/omar_quraishi/status/413226933581656064 Their complaints varied from ‘why the fuss?’ to ‘why the hue and cry about racism?’ After all, aren’t Pakistanis themselves one of the most racist lot on this planet? And if you can’t go to that place due to the misfortune of just being a Pakistani in Pakistan, then go somewhere else. Why start a whole Twitter campaign against the restaurant or question the legality of its policy? Perhaps you’re just envious or perhaps you just really want some attention from those white people to feel good about yourself. Yes, that definitely must be it. https://twitter.com/cyalm/status/411403466477957120 The restaurant, for its part, insists this policy is out of respect for ‘Muslim sensibilities’ since its menu consists entirely of non-halal food. Interestingly enough, those ‘Muslim sensibilities’ don’t matter when it comes to hiring someone to assist in cooking, serving and cleaning up after this non-halal food, nor is it something worth mentioning when looking for a bartender. So what they’re saying is that it’s acceptable to hire Muslim/Pakistani waiters who will handle non-halal food but Muslim/Pakistani customers aren’t allowed, and this is their way of respecting us? The owner, Philippe Lafforgue, even went through the trouble of emailing Almeida, ending with words, “By the way this weekend I was reading the ads in the newspaper and all the ads for renting houses in Islamabad were for foreigners and multinational companies only. Swedish villas in Lahore are only rented to foreigners. They refuse Pakistani people. The International club in Lahore and Sindh Club in Karachi do not accept Pakistani people, even as a guest. If I go to the Diplomatic Enclave, all I’ll have to do is show my passport. Whereas you will have to get a ticket, pay the fees and go by bus. The guest house right close to mine is reserved for Chinese people only. I will stop here because I don’t want to waste your time. But yes, there is a lot of discrimination in this country. But I don’t…” (This excerpt was edited for readability) After reading this, I was reminded of a time when it was acceptable in this part of the world to say:

‘No natives allowed in here… unless they’re serving you your tea’

But I guess you can’t say it in those words anymore since there are ways to get around such technicalities. Also, since when did ‘Pakistani’ become synonymous with 'Muslim'? How does possession of a dual nationality make a difference if they are in fact Muslims? Where do the ‘sensibilities’ fit in in such cases? When did they start making exceptions towards racism depending on who you were discriminating against? https://twitter.com/cyalm/status/411411055768645632 I realised how factual and spot on, Lafforgue and some of my friends’ words were. Pakistanis really aren’t allowed in the Diplomatic Enclave of their ‘own’ country and entire chunks of our provinces effectively belong to either militants or foreign corporations. Meanwhile, a more subtle form of colonisation quietly makes its way through our culture. Our repeatedly revised history is just as murky as our future and we’ve learnt that things work out better for us if we just keep our heads low and plod through the confusion without asking too many questions. Pakistani sovereignty is practically a myth, adorning our self-image like the emperor’s new clothes. We can’t really see it but the crafty tailors stitching together our official state narrative insist it’s there. There are more than 180 million people living on this little strip of land we call home. If racism is widespread and if elitist oppression is rampant, does that mean we should stop no one from being a racist or an elitist simply because we can’t stop everyone? Does that mean people that who are minimally affected by the status quo (people who already belong to the elite or as in this case people who have that oh-so-coveted proof they are ‘good enough to not be a Pakistani’) can joke about how amusing it is that the rest of us call such things unfair? Is it okay for us to dismiss such discrimination simply as a part and parcel of being ‘ordinary Pakistanis’? What were the struggles of the independence movement if not to allow us a chance to live free and not be treated like squatters in our own homeland? Where is the country that supposedly resulted from this? Where is my Pakistan?

Step aside, Pitbull. There’s a brand new way to be inappropriately close to women way out of your league! It is a lesson not just for Pakistanis but for all humanity, for all men and children who are aiming to be men. Arbaz Khan, the pre-teen pre-pubescent boy, whose baby fat is still probably lodged in places that only the next five years can remove, shakes his groove with a woman old enough to be his mother. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x190fjx_mathira-feat-arbaz-khan-jhootha-official-music-video-hd_music[/embed] My eyes widen as does Mathira’s cleavage. My throat constricts as Mathira belts out one tuneless note after another. Not that I am against sex-positive feminism or against ladies singing their hearts out, but this is all too reminiscent of a Shakespearean tragedy or a Greek play filled with inappropriate gesticulating, mediocre lyrics and substandard budgeting. Sex sells and Mathira is game, sure. But that definitely does not mean that she gets to dance with, what anyone with an IQ of 70 can label as, a child and call it ‘entertainment’. In most countries, this could be considered child abuse, or definitely in a dangerously grey area. Whether I was on a Parent’s Television Council or the Grammy nomination panel, I would still cringe - out of distaste at someone’s poor attempt to sell something that was just average by using Mathira’s ‘assets’. When Aaron Carter and Justin Beiber sang about love’s labours, they at least chose someone their own size. Arbaz – with all his spiked glories – cannot reach anywhere beyond Mathira’s shoulders. I wonder if Arbaz Khan’s parents are listening or if parents of other equally hormonal, financially stable teenagers (with enough in their piggy banks to finance an SLR, a digital animator and a fancy laptop) are staying up at night thinking of all the requests their sons will be making after watching this video, requests like:

“But, mommy, why can’t I dance with my friend’s mom? If Arbaz Khan can, why can’t I?”

There is a reason why this is termed inappropriate for a 12-year-old child. Psychologically and neurologically, the human body is still under the process of development throughout adolescence. The hormonal and physiological changes in children when they reach puberty are the reason why sex education is such a sensitive and challenging subject for educators. But forget all of that, Pakistanis have an all-novel approach to all of this. Let’s bring out the luxury sedans and the seductive model to teach children all about sexually appropriate behaviour! What does this say about Pakistani parenting? Does it say that either we send our kids to madrassahs to become self-righteous I-know-it-all Muslims or we send them after women to sing and dance with them whether or not it is appropriate? Does it say we are of two minds when it comes to raising our kids or does it say we’ll just do anything to create waves, make a buck and even a small hit on DailyMotion or a ‘Like’ on Facebook – is this the price of our soul? Not only is all of this a cheap attempt at publicity – and that is putting it mildly – it is also sexist. How is it that an older woman is praised for her sexual appeal by a 12-year-old boy? Would we not consider it extremely inappropriate if a twelve-year-old girl told Fawad Khan she would follow him to his gaaon (village) and if they were singing and dancing about being together forever? Disturbing is the word that comes to mind. And disturbing is the word that plays in your mind in big capital letters, as Mathira continues to stroke her neck, does strange lunges and Arbaz Khan continues to talk about plans of stalking her to her gaaon, about loving everything about her from head-to-toe and about how they make a wonderful couple together.

“Tu saath mere achi lagay, jagg saara ye jaanta!” (You look good with me, the whole world knows.)

Sorry, kid, but the world is thinking the exact opposite. The world thinks you should maybe give it another ten years before you try your hand at chasing someone to their gaaon. We admire your confidence and your rapping skills but for the love of God and all that is pure and holy, let the chest hair come and the moustache follow! Until then, stick to singing about bad grades, curly hair, puppy fat and how Daddy won’t let you stay up past eleven. There are plenty of class acts in town that were a hit and they have not used a semi-nude girl. Some examples that come to mind are Osman Khalid Butt, Ali Gulpir, Danish Ali, and Muhammad Ali. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xtpzhi_waderai-ka-beta-ali-gul-pir_music[/embed] They are funny, quirky and they have got that loyalty to the Pakistani culture going for them. The audiences love them because they resonate with them. Instead of imitating an art form to a T, they took the art form, converted it into something personal, added the flavour of their own identity and produced something entirely original – something that made waves just because it was original, intelligent and culturally relevant. Twenty years from now, I will be able to show these videos to my kid and tell him without embarrassment that this is the kind of stuff his parents watched when they were surfing on the internet. Twenty years from now, I hope I won’t have to explain how the hordes of ‘Arbaz Khans’ took over our generation and turned our children into adults with no sense of self, identity and originality. [poll id="319"]

Aab Tak, a Pakistani television station started its transmission earlier this year with a strong statement,

‘Ladies, Gentlemen and She-males’

It did not take long for the station to air a sensational TV show Khufia where the hostess, Uzma Tahir, ignored people’s right to independence and a free life as she bullied them with a television camera. Chasing people frantically on the streets of Karachi, she and her team put hands on people, manhandled them and then barged into their homes with a camera crew to ask the victims of her camera bullying,

“Are you gay or transgender?”

The saddest part of the show occurred later when the hostess arrogantly ignored someone’s suicide threat. I couldn’t accept the fact that Uzma Tahir didn’t care about human life. Suicide is a preventable death and every suicide threat needs to be taken seriously. The most sickening moment came when she wishfully said,

“Why don’t these people become targets of bombs?”

One victim of her television camera abuse pleaded on air that he had some mental health issues and couldn’t talk about them. She tortured the poor soul by judging him and mockingly saying,

“How can a ‘crazy’ know that he is ‘crazy’ and even know his doctor? This is enough to prove that you are lying.”

It is a known fact that people with mental illness and non-conforming sexual behaviour are often victims of violence but it is quite rare to find sexual and psychological harassment by a television program crew. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x18fsto_male-she-male-living-as-husband-wife-in-pakistan_news#from=embediframe[/embed] A so-called human right activist and physician, Ansar Burney, was invited to the program as an expert to discuss the issue. To a height of absurdity, Burney became paranoid and started inviting the charge that transvestites and transgender people could be agents of foreign countries and might be working as spies for different terrorist groups. The ‘expert’ on the program referred to transvestite and transgender orientation as ‘psychological misbehaviour’. I don’t know what this means as in my almost decade-long career in psychiatry, I have never heard or read this expression even once. In 2012, Pakistanis with gender non-conformity received an official status as ‘third-gender’ citizens. They are commonly and more loosely referred to as eunuchs (hijras, khawaja-sarra), hermaphrodites and transvestites. Contrary to Tahir’s personal belief, there is scientific data to support that these conditions happen genetically, not by choice. Clinically, they are different from each other. Gender Dysphoria (Gender Identity Disorder) describes the dissatisfaction some people have with their assigned gender at birth. Some, if resourceful, opt for sex change procedures. Transvestism, the practice of dressing and acting in a style or manner traditionally associated with the opposite sex, is different as is homosexuality where one is sexually aroused by members of the same sex. There are other hormonal and genetic situations in which patients can have ambiguous genitalia. Acting like the moral police, the hostess decided that it was her job to despicably warn the public to watch out for any early signs of their children being gay. Our media has started expanding its target audience. The Late Night Show with Begam Nawazish Ali, the Lollywood movie Bol and now the Pakistani version of ‘Glee’ are presenting evidence of non-heterosexual behaviour in our media, opening up a long secret aspect of our society. But sometimes sadly, multi-national companies find it acceptable to show a transgender victim of hazing in an all-boys college in an advertisement. Ironically, a June 2013 Pew Research survey showed Pakistan was one of the least gay-tolerant countries in the world while the same month the magazine Mother Jones published the results of a survey that put Pakistan as the world leader in the number of Google searches for gay sex links. I remember the case of Shumail Raj and Shahzina Tariq, a married couple who was jailed for three months for perjury after a dispute over the husband’s sex. The court ruled had that the husband was, in fact, a woman, despite sex-change surgery and that the couple had lied about his sexual status. It denied their claim of being married as their marriage was un-Islamic because it was same-sex. People with different sexual orientations and behaviours lead a very difficult and objected life in Pakistan. A television program like Khufia can risk many other lives. It is time to treat transgender and transsexual people with respect as fellow human beings. There is a need to accept their presence in society and to help them with education and employment in regular jobs. In the television program, I came across many of the victims requesting opportunities for honourable lives like everyone else in society. Unfortunately, their voices were ignored.

I was talking with a friend yesterday, and in our pun-filled banter we came up with an amusing concept: a Pakistani version of the Justice League! Thinking about it makes me laugh, but at the same time I began to wonder, what if they were real? What if there actually was a set of Pakistani superheros? Who would these characters be and what would their superpowers be? Here is my take on this idea: 1) Bijli Man [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"] Design: Jamal Khurshid[/caption] Mr Rafique was a kind simple old man with a moustache stretching all the way across his cheeks. He was disgruntled, of course, due to the nasty loadshedding crisis in his city. Rafique, or Bijli Man, as he is later known, acquires his powers when he storms into the power company's headquarters to complain about load-shedding and voltage fluctuation. In the midst of the commotion, he falls into a tank of electric eels being tortured (for reasons best not made public) by those guys who flip the switch on the power supply. The electric shock from the eels binds with Bijli Man's pure hate for power companies, blessing him with the power to control electricity! He inevitably goes on a mass rampage, cheered on by pretty much all of Pakistan. Bijli Man is able to turn into an electric current and move between places via electric wires as and when he pleases. He supplies electric power to every wire he touches and so produces enough current on his own to supply cities with uninterrupted electricity. His experiments with going wireless have left a lot to be desired... as can be imagined. He is loved by one and all. He stands for justice, peace and has vowed to rid the world of the eternal irritant called ‘load-shedding’. 2) Burger Kid [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"] Design: Jamal Khurshid[/caption] Ahad is a young hero, hailing from the elite class of society. He doesn’t actually possess any superpowers but due to his oblivious and mighty rich daddy, Ahad has equipped himself with the most expensive gadgets the country has to offer. He uses these to help him in his fight against injustice. He bears a relatively sharp mind and an extraordinary keenness to succeed. This combination was further cultivated when he was sent to the most expensive schools in the country. His intellect, stubborn resolve and sharp instincts made a lethal combination. He is Pakistan’s very own Batman, just not as suave and hopelessly inept at Urdu. He loves fast-food and fast cars. Ahad joined the league when his father had had enough of Ahad’s constant temper tantrums about politics and other things that were amiss in the country. His father was fed-up and asked him to leave the house.

“You want to do something about this country, son? Go out onto the streets and do it, don’t complain from the comfort of your couch!”

The time to act was finally here and then the members of the league approached him. They told Ahad that they knew of his unmatched intelligence and offered him place on the justice league of Pakistan. They promised that with all their powers combined, Pakistan would become a safer place. Ahad seized the moment and thus, Burger Kid was born. He uses his gadgets to track down on criminals around the country, uses his intellect to get lazy authorities involved and makes sure that the ‘aam aadmi’ gets justice (as long as he doesn't have to spend too much time in 'poor people' locales)! 3) The Girl [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"]

Design: Jamal Khurshid[/caption] The mysterious, unfathomable and unpredictable member of the Justice League of Pakistan. Underestimate her at your own peril. Fatima is the founding member of the league and is the most powerful of them all. Some of her superpowers include the ‘tear-up’ -- a Pakistani TV drama-based power which allows her to make even the biggest, scariest of enemies crouch down and cry like babies. But if you get our feisty mademoiselle angry, beware of the fatal ‘glare of doom’! You remember the saying ‘if looks could kill, I would be dead’. In this case, take it literally. The last power, known to be the most powerful of all, is the ‘veil’. She never leaves home without it. It grants her invulnerability, invisibility and invincibility, allowing her to unleash her own personal version of hell on her enemies. Nobody has ever been able to figure out how she acquired her powers, but legend has it that a broken heart may have changed Fatima into ‘The Girl’. 4) Crickid [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"]

Design: Jamal Khurshid[/caption] Yousuf was 10-years-old when his parents died in a drone attack. After this tragedy, his evil, mostly drunk uncle decided to adopt him just so that he could illegally inherit all the property and money Yousuf’s parents had left behind. The uncle was particularly evil to Yousuf and would get him into trouble whenever possible, even when it was not his fault. His uncle wanted Yousuf to work in a factory but Yousuf loved cricket. Being smarter than your average 10-year-old, he understood that his uncle was trying to get rid of him and so he did what he knew best -- cricket. The cricket field is that one place where Yousuf could be anyone he wanted to be, his place of zen. In times of sadness or happiness, Yousuf would go onto the field and give it his all. Dreaming of becoming the next ‘Boom Boom Afridi’, Yousuf is the best bowler in his town, even compared to kids much older than him. After suffering untold horrors and finally running away from his uncle's home, Crickid was born. He was the youngest member of the League. He uses his lethal toe-crushing Yorkers, neck-height bouncers, bamboozling googlies, mean upper-cuts to take down his enemies. Crickid, with his resilience and unmatched will power has made him one of the most important members of the league. He always comes back, ready and stronger than before. 5) Chacha [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="540"]

Design: Jamal Khurshid[/caption] Rehmat Baba is an army veteran whose wife died 10 years ago in a bomb blast. Since then he dedicated his life to helping others. Mrs Rehmat used to work in an orphanage teaching kids. She loved those kids with all her heart. The Rehmats never had any kids of their own and these kids filled the emptiness in their lives. When she died, Baba decided to open up an orphanage in her memory and carry on her legacy. For the general public he was Baba, a kind old man who loves to tell stories of his past experiences and travels and always dispensing advice to others. But by night, he would be ‘Chacha’, a superhero with lethal super punches. His enemies were mafias that would recruit young children to do their bidding. Those who would brainwash kids were hunted down by ‘Chacha’. As the eldest member of the League, Chacha is a mentor to other members who occasionally come to him for advice on matters beyond their understanding. It may be wishful thinking, but I hope that such a league truly does exist in the darkest corners of Pakistan. Are you one of them?

Despite being a minnow in world football, Pakistan has a vibrant diaspora of footballers playing across Europe and Asia who are eligible to represent a ‘Pakistani football team’ internationally. While some have already starred for the national team, others remain waiting for a call-up in the future. Here is a list of the top 10 players of Pakistani-descent who have shown their magic in Europe and other countries. Mohammad Ali (BK Avarta, Danish second division) The former FC Copenhagen striker has already been capped by Pakistan, after making his debut in the friendly match against Singapore. Deemed as a superb find by the coaches, Ali cemented his place as a first-choice striker, after impressing fans with his dribbling abilities and commitment on the pitch during the AFC Challenge Cup qualifiers in March, 2013. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Mohammad Ali[/caption] However, due to an injury, ‘Mo’ missed the 2013 SAFF Championship in Nepal. He returned to feature in the Philippines Peace Cup in October, where his constant running and tactical movement earned Pakistan a credible win over the Chinese Taipei. Yousuf Butt (Battle Ground Academy BGA, Denmark series) Pakistan’s prayers were answered in 2011 when Yousuf Butt finally made his debut in the team for the Olympic side against Malaysia. The talented shot-stopper had been on the Pakistan Football Federation’s (PFF) radar for a long time but owing to technical difficulties, the PFF was unable to bring him in for the Asian Games squad for China in 2010. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Yousuf Butt[/caption] Nonetheless, since then, Yousuf has established himself as one of the best goalkeepers in South Asia, where his goalkeeping skills have earned him the nickname ‘the wall’ from his fans. He has also received many man-of-the-match awards on different occasions. Hassan Bashir (Fremad Amagar, Danish second division) Bashir has been Pakistan’s main goal threat since his debut and has already scored three goals in 12 appearances so far. When the former FC Nordsjælland is not banging in goals, his match-winning assistance comes very handy for the team. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Hassan Bashir[/caption] Zesh Rehman (Pahang FA, Malaysian Super League) Arguably the most high-profile player to play for Pakistan, Zesh made headlines when he debuted in the 2005 SAFF Championship. Although club commitments have prevented him from having a real impact on the international stage, the centre-back returned to action in 2013 and starred in the SAFF Championship, and later, went onto became Pakistan’s captain during the Philippines Peace Cup in October. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Zesh Rehman[/caption] Nabil Aslam (AC Horsens, Danish first division) Nabil has already expressed his interest in representing Pakistan at an international level. He missed out on the SAFF Championship because his documents were not complete. Nonetheless, the defender brings heaps of experience to the ground and having played in the UEFA Europa League with Horsens, his potential centre-back pairing with Zesh Rehman is one which fans anticipate eagerly. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Nabil Aslam[/caption] Sami Malik (FC Energie Cottbus, second Bundesliga) Sami won the U-16 Bundesliga with Hertha Berlin and later joining Eintracht Braunschweig before jumping ships to FC Energie Cottbus. Nonetheless, the attacker is highly rated by Pakistani scouts in Germany and he could be fast-tracked to the U-22 Pakistan team next year if the coaches decide to call him up for the AFC U-22 qualifiers in June. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Sami Malik[/caption] Ali Iqbal (Vålerenga, Tippeligaen Norway) Having recently turned professional with the Norwegian giants, Ali Iqbal is a potential star for the future and could be seen in Pakistani colours. The talented youngster came through the ranks at Vålerenga academy, from where a number of other Pakistani players have also come through. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ali Iqbal[/caption] Ghayas Zahid (Vålerenga, Tippeligaen Norway) Like Ali Iqbal, Ghayas is also of Pakistani-descent and is currently involved with the first-team as he looks to cement his place at Ullevaal Stadion. Besides being a part of the Vålerenga, Ghayas has also played for the Norway U-19s. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ghayas Zahid[/caption] Etzaz Hussain (Molde FK, Tippeligaen Norway) Under Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Etzaz has become a regular with Molde and has scored some cracking goals for the Norwegian title contenders as well. Having become the first player of Pakistani-descent to have played in the UEFA Europa League, Etzaz has high aims of making it to one of the major European football clubs. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Etzaz Hussain[/caption] With his mentor Ole Gunnar Solskjaer set for the Cardiff City job, one can only wonder if Etzaz could be coming to England once more, after previously playing for the Manchester United academy. Adil Nabi (West Bromwich Albion, English Premier League) After Zesh, Pakistan has been searching for Premier League class players and Adil Nabi could be just solution that the national team has been looking for. Adil graduated from the Hawthorns academy and was on the Premier League bench last season but an injury during pre-season training has kept him out of action till now. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Adil Nabi[/caption] The attacker is expected to return in March and although he has high aims of playing for England, the extremely high competition present means that a longer international career with Pakistan is a likelier possibility for him. Adil is one of three brothers at West Brom. His younger sibling Samir signed professional terms with the Baggies recently and the youngest brother is still with the youth teams in England. Irrespective of whether these players are currently playing for the national team or not, one cannot help but feel proud about the fact that 10 amazing football players, renowned internationally, are related to Pakistan. This emphasises the fact that football should be encouraged among the locals too so that our team can compete head to head with other international ones in the global arenas. The one thing this list evidences is the fact that we definitely have the talent – all we have to do now is nurture it!

It isn’t often I feel the urge to write a long winded response to a fellow blogger’s work; however, this is one of those instances. Before I begin, I want to make it clear that I mean no disrespect to the author of "13 ‘Do-Nots’ housewives can wave goodbye to in 2014" and "14 ‘Dos’ for die-hard housewives in 2014", nor do I intend any insult. I would simply like to share my two cents. While I feel the topic on marriage has been ‘done to death’, after reading two consecutive articles centered on what a wife should and shouldn’t do, I felt the urge to respond. Why are such lists only ever made for wives in Pakistan? Is there no need for a similar list for husbands or are husbands in Pakistan without flaws? Granted the woman who wrote these blogs can only write them from the perspective of a wife. However, I can’t help but take issue with her pointed ‘to-do’ and ‘not-to-do’ lists. Among the points made, some were apt while others were completely unreasonable. Some of these points would have been better suited for a list devised to promote a wife’s already secondary status in Pakistan. I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that the last thing Pakistan needs is more paraphernalia promoting wives as ancillary in nature, or condoning that wives should bend to the will of their husband and in-laws without expecting reciprocation in return. A list, such as the one devised, although not outrageous in nature, is far from needed in a society like Pakistan where women are already expected to do more than their fair share. As I read the ‘to-do’ and ‘not-to-do’ lists for wives, my mind immediately began formulating an answer for husbands or husbands-to-be. 1) Don’t treat you wife like one of your children Your wife is supposed to be your equal, your partner in life and an active part of the household decisions. Protect her, don’t patronise her. Respect her, don’t treat her like a child that needs to be shielded from everything or is inept at handling things of a serious nature on her own. 2) Treat your in-laws the way you want your wife to treat your family As important as your mother is to you, your wife’s mother is equally as important to her. As much as you want to keep your mother and father in your life, and take care of them as they age, your wife also wants to be a part of her mother and father’s life, and take care of them in their old age. A woman is not a loaf of bread that was given to you. She is as much a person and offspring as you are. She came from a home with two parents who also bore her, raised her and took care of her throughout life. I point this out because too often I hear men use the ‘but-my-parents-raised-me-and-took-care-of-me’ excuse when their wife complains of neglect. So did hers, yet here she is. If you are not willing to take care of your in-laws as your parents, it is unfair to expect your wife to take care of your parents as her own. 3) Don’t complain to your mother (or father) about your wife I imagine most men are perturbed when their wife complains to her parents about him, and rightly so. In the same regard, don’t complain to your mother about your wife. Troubles between a husband and wife should stay strictly between a husband and wife. Third party involvement, even when meant well, seems to do more harm than good. 4) Don’t insult, condescend or patronise your wife in front of your children If your children don’t see you respecting her as an equal, they will remember that and potentially end up doing one of two things; either they will resent you for mistreating their mother, or your son will mimic the same behaviour with his future wife while your daughter will think it acceptable to be disrespected by her future husband. 5) You cherish a boy’s night out? Let your wife have a girl’s night out It’s perfectly acceptable and healthy for husbands and wives to have their own friends. Just as most men don’t want their wife to interfere with their boy’s night out, husband’s should not interfere with their wife’s girl’s night out. Women cherish and need time to themselves or with their friends as much as men do. Sitting at home, waiting on hand and foot, is nobody’s idea of fun. Having a little time apart and out of the house can be a good thing for a couple. 6) Don’t expect your wife to be the only one to keep the marriage together It takes two to tango. As with any relationship, it takes both sides to put in an equal amount of effort in order for it to work. It’s a common expectation in Pakistan for the woman to be the one to keep the marriage together and, if it fails, the woman is blamed. Men ought to take a more proactive approach to their marriage, as they would with other things of importance in their life. There are many more points one can think of to add to the list. Some may apply differently to couples depending on their individual circumstances, but the overall element of respect and equality is vital to the stability and longevity of any relationship. For far too long women have been expected to bear the brunt of marital problems, be responsible for its stability and take the blame for failures. It’s high time that things changed, parity between men and women was created. Before taking your leave, I’d like to point out that I don’t at all think men alone are responsible for a marriage’s success, nor do I think all husbands are evil and wives angelic. I know women have the capacity to be difficult, sometimes downright mean, and I understand that men don’t always have it easy either. This blog isn’t meant to start a blame game or create a battle between the sexes - it’s simply an answer to the plethora of the ‘to-do’ and ‘not-to-do’ lists, and the endless instructions aimed at women surrounding their pending marriage. As I’ve said before, in a place like Pakistan, the gap between genders is already too big and I see no reason to continually uphold or encourage it. If a husband isn’t willing to put his best foot forward, neither he nor society should expect a wife to do so. Some of you may ask if I’m married yet, or why I feel like I’m any kind of authority on the matter. While I don’t at all deem myself an expert, one doesn’t have to be married to understand that marriage, as any relationship, requires an equal compromise from both parties involved.

A couple of days ago I was confronted by an alarming fact. I was sitting with a group of housewives and was told that every month, 30% of those present, converted their pin money into US dollars every month. I was so surprised that I blurted,

“But why do you do that?”

One of the housewives replied very innocently,

“Well, every year when we go on holiday, I buy myself a handbag. Recently, I realised that the value of the dollar is going up and I end up paying more PKR for a handbag each year. So now I just convert my savings into US dollars each month.”

What upset me the most was that these women did not even realise, much less feel sorry for, the repercussions of their actions on the country’s economy. It is pointless to get into the morality of whether ‘dollarisation’ is good or bad for the country. We have all read headlines on the front page of leading Pakistani newspapers, to the effect of,

“Move to stop citizens from taking over $3,000 abroad.” “Forex reserves equivalent to less than one month payment.” “Dollar traded at highest level of Rs 109.20.”

The simple fact is that money is a store of value and it is the government’s responsibility to ensure that the rupee continues to remain the medium of exchange by instituting and implementing the correct economic policies. The value of the Pakistani rupee was 62.50 in February 2008. Since 2008 the Pakistani rupee has been on sale and its value has declined by a whopping 75% to date. In a country where a ‘sale’ is considered a reduction in prices by a measly 5% – 10%, I am surprised that there has not been more fuss over this particular matter. Considering that Pakistanis are quite adept at expressing their displeasure in public, I am surprised that no one has come out on the streets to strike, shut down markets, burn tyres or cars and set gas stations aflame. Please don’t get me wrong, I do not support these actions. But it is surprising that we have not protested against such a massive decline in the most important economic indicator of a country – its currency value. I am quite certain that the cynical government and bureaucratic hierarchies will say that converting PKR into US dollars for handbags does not have a significant impact on the value of the rupee, and to some extent they may be right. But every rupee counts and every dollar bought does, in fact, depreciate the value of that very rupee. It is another debate altogether about why some people feel the need to spend such ostentatious amounts of money on designer goods that cost over Rs150, 000 each. Why they choose to display such flamboyant symbols of wealth in a country where 95% of the working population earns on average approximately Rs50,000 per year, is beyond me; keeping in mind that the working population in question uses this income to sustain an entire household, pay for rent, food, schooling and medical bills for their family members. But it seems easy for democratic governments, who tell us ‘they are of the people, by the people and for the people’, that such extravagance is an exception to the rule. Does the cost of petrol not matter either? Perhaps the cost of edible oils, the one we use in our daily meals, does not have an impact on the economy either. Or maybe, if we start importing sugar and tea on a larger scale, that will surely help the value of the rupee rise. We have all heard and understood that the cost of petrol has an impact, but the impact is as bad with the cost of edible oils, the cost of imported sugar, tea and even clothing. Similarly, at some level, the conversion of PKR for US dollars for handbags will have an impact. Moreover, it is usually a combination of factors, rather than a single factor, that affects the currency value of a country. A government minister in the previous government went so far as to say,

“Sugar is a luxury and we should not use it without thought.”

Well, in Pakistan it seems that the rising cost of transportation will soon make onions, tomatoes and other vegetables a luxury. Indeed, very soon life itself will become a luxury since our very survival will become so expensive. As it is, the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organisation (FAO) recently estimated that over 24% of the population in Pakistan is severely under-nourished. But we can continue to live in the cocoon of comforts and designer goods that we have built for ourselves and let them eat cake! It is no surprise, after all, that the housewives of Pakistan are converting rupees into dollars. Today they may be doing it for handbags tomorrow it will be for sugar and tea! The value of the rupee will keep declining and people will keep buying more and more dollars. The only difference is, soon enough, the costs will catch up with all of us, from all classes, and when that happens, the comfortable bubble we are living in is bound to burst.

“Did you know that Pakistani rowers made it to the Olympic selection event in 2013?”

Almost choking on my tea, I burst out laughing at my friend’s question. Regaining my composure, I replied,

“Pakistani rowers? Olympics? We don’t have rowers, much less international level rowers! Stop joking and let me drink my tea in peace.”

Unfazed, she said:

“Surprising isn’t it? But it is true. If you don’t believe me, try googling it and it will give you a list of our young rowers who made it to Uzbekistan in 2013.”

So I did google ‘rowing in Pakistan’. Not only did I find the list of rowers who made it to the Youth Olympic Games (YOG) qualification event in 2013, I also realised how organised and structured the sport is in our country. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Candidates participating in the Youth Olympic Games (Junior Asian Rowing Championship), 2013 in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Photo: Manoucheher Siddiqui[/caption] Interested in knowing more, I asked around and finally found someone who actually knew one of the young men who went to the qualification event. Excited, I arranged a meeting with him at the Karachi Boat Club (KBC), where he trains along with other rowers. Walking into the KBC one evening, I was in awe at the sight of old and young men rowing energetically on the China Creek. Although I had noticed these rowers before, I had never realised that they rowed for anything but leisure. The bubbles we live in, right? A young boy walked towards me and introduced himself as Manoucheher Siddiqui and I realised that I was looking at one of the boys who had made it to the event. As we sat by the creek, he told me about his introduction into the world of rowing when he was merely 10-years-old. In 2006 he transferred to the Centre for Advanced Studies (CAS) and joined the school rowing team. Since then he has participated in numerous regattas – both at home and abroad – from India to the Philippines to the most recent and most significant one in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Manoucheher’s love for travel and meeting people was apparent in the way he described his adventures,

“We have a training period before every regatta in the host country ranging from a week to a fortnight. Living together, eating together, learning each other’s languages and customs – it is a whole new experience! Many of my friends on social media are those who I met on these trips!”

All of that sounded like fun but I was concerned about his parents’ reaction and asked how he was able to manage between school and training. He replied,

“My parents have always supported my rowing because it brought discipline into my life. I have to be at KBC, all geared up at 6am and we train six days a week for three hours each in the morning and evening. Both slots consist of one hour of land training – weights, dry-rowing and fitness – and two hours of water training. I am here at 6am even on Sunday morning!”

He went on to explain that schools give special allowances and that his classes start an hour after regular time. According to him, what has helped is the growing awareness and support in schools for sport. Once again, I was dumbfounded when he listed down the schools in Karachi that are registered with the KBC including the Karachi Grammar School (KGS), Centre for Advanced Studies (CAS), The Lyceum, Bayview High, St Patrick’s High School, Beacon House School Systems, Habib Public School, Institute of Business Administration (IBA), Institute of Business Management (IoBM) and Fatima Jinnah School among others. It was unbelievable that all of this was being done for the sport and here I was completely unaware that it even existed in the country! I could tell that he was dying to talk about his most recent regatta in Uzbekistan. He told me that he was one of three (under 19-years) rowers who had been selected from Pakistan and the others were Hassan Currimbhoy from Karachi and Abdul Rehman from Lahore. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Manoucheher Siddiqui and Abdul Rehman at the YOG qualification in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Photo: Manoucheher Siddiqui[/caption] They had travelled to Samarkand for the Olympic qualification event with Mr Zohaib Hashmi, a rowing coach from Lahore in October, 2013. He explained that the China Creek in Karachi is 1, 750 metres and this was the first time that they participated in a 2,000 metre race. Everything about the event was electronic – from the locked boats to the electronic start to the video finish – in order to ensure fair results. He said that rowing those 2,000 metres was the hardest thing he had ever done and all he could think at the time was,

“Why did I get myself into this?”

[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Youth Olympic Games (YOG) qualification event inauguration in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Photo: Manoucheher Siddiqui[/caption] Laughingly, he said that this is a question he asks himself in most races, especially towards the end when his arms and legs are flailing under pressure. However, at the finish – especially after a win – that feeling changes to pure jubilation and he thinks,

“This is why I got myself into it. Now I know I can achieve this much more!”

Watching his face break into a smile, I felt a sense of pride in the achievements of these boys. It was that feeling that envelopes you when the Pakistan cricket team wins a match. These boys were making their country proud and I just could not understand why people like me had no idea of their accomplishments. I thought maybe his coach, Mr Asghar, could answer this question and so I spoke to him as well. Mr Asghar turned out to be a passionate ex-rower himself who is now the lead coach at the KBC. I could tell from his expression how proud and grateful he was to the KBC for their efforts in promoting rowing in the country. But the same eyes became clouded with frustration as he explained the role of the Pakistan Rowing Federation (PRF). The PRF is the national governing body for the development and promotion of rowing in Pakistan but being based in Punjab, preference is given to clubs and coaches from the province. In fact, in the recent Olympic qualification event, Mr Zohaib Hashmi from Lahore accompanied the contestants, while Mr Asghar was asked not to travel. Looking at my confused expression, he explained that only one coach could accompany the contestants and since the PRF is based in Lahore, the coach chosen to travel was picked from Lahore as well; even though two of the three contestants were from Karachi. Shrugging his shoulders he said,

“The federation is from Punjab, things happen as they see fit.”

I felt infuriated at the PRF for being so petty, especially since this was such an important event for the country. And what he told me next was enough to make me pull out my hair. Apparently, the boys came in last in the first two races and the Lahore coach failed to identify the reason. It was only when Mr Ikram – Head of Rowing at KBC – arrived in Samarkand, that he noticed that they were putting all their strength in the beginning of the race and their stamina broke towards the end, causing them to fall behind. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"]

Pakistani participants with the Pakistan Rowing Federation umpire at the YOG qualification even in Samarkand, Uzbekistan. Photo: Manoucheher Siddiqui[/caption] There have even been instances when Pakistan participated in international tournaments of which rowers in Karachi were not even informed like the World Championship held in Korea in May, 2013. A team of rowers from Punjab attended the tour. And this is just the tip of the iceberg – rowers who wish to participate in international regattas have to bear all their travel and accommodation expenses themselves! They also told me that only Karachi puts in so much effort for the advancement of this sport. Although Punjab has teams like the Pakistan Army, Pakistan Air Force (PAF), Pakistan International Airlines (PIA), Water and Power Development Authority (WAPDA), there is no investment to improve the quality of boats and equipment. On the other hand, the KBC offers rowing facilities to members and non-members alike. A rowing membership can be obtained for Rs4,500 while monthly charges are Rs400 per person. KBC is also the proud owner of 35 world-class Italian and Chinese boats, constructed in carbon fibre and glass fibre to ensure lightness – the material used by all top rowing associations in the world. These boats weigh around 14.5 kilograms compared to the 35 kilograms wooden boats which can hardly move in water. Countries like India still use these bulky boats or ‘punishment boats’, as Manoucheher likes to call them since they are used by coaches when team members show lack of discipline. Looking at the sleek boats, I felt like getting a rowing membership and trying my hand at the sport too! As I bade farewell to them, I could not really put a finger on how I felt. I felt elated that these boys had made it to the Olympic qualifying event and had snagged the third position in their category. However, I felt a heavy sadness that the country to which they had brought such pride did not even acknowledge their accomplishments. Manoucheher, like other young rowers, is already looking at universities abroad for sports scholarships that will help him refine his passion. It seems that Pakistan is on the verge of losing another opportunity by showing a blind eye to this budding talent.

In the last few months, screenings of movies with a strong Pakistani connection has surged in the United States. It has been culturally very exciting and rewarding to watch these fantastic films and afterwards attend interactive sessions with their directors and crew-members. Saving Face, These Birds Walk, Without Shepherd, The Waves, Night Life, Lamha (Seedlings), The Reluctant Fundamentalist, Zinda Bhaag, Torn, Wounds of Waziristan, Good Morning Karachi and Anima State were presented at different film festivals in the United States. A few also went into commercial distribution. While movies like Waar and Main Hoon Shahid Afridi did create a buzz in the Pakistani cinema market, most of the internationally released movies were overlooked by the mainstream Pakistani media. What is the reason behind this phenomenon of about a dozen Pakistani independent movies suddenly appearing in the US? There are, of course, multiple factors causing this recent surge, but my best guess is that it was influenced the most after Saving Face won the Academy Award (Oscar) for best short movie in early 2012. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/37342298[/embed] An independent process was going on in the creative minds of local and international filmmakers who did not follow Lollywood techniques or the local mindset. These artists, with their unique vision and experimental style, are young and most probably grew up watching Pakistani TV dramas in the 80’s, during its zenith. They have been inspired by high standards of the past but are using the big screen to fight against the inertia of the social and political status quo. These movies cover various genres such as drama, romance, documentary, musical, comedy, tragedy, action and thriller. They also cover a wide variety of emotional topics like poverty, terrorism, corruption, love, peace, wealth, art and cultural heritage. Cultural critics of these movies often object to the negative portrayal of Pakistan, such as the abuse of women, homeless children and terrorism. This criticism often comes from people who have not seen these movies but have only heard or read about them. Like any other area of art and creativity, movies present the view of the director. One may agree or disagree with the message but this should not mean that the director has to present a flowery picture of the country. Saadat Hasan Manto once said,

“If you cannot bear to hear my stories then your society is unbearable.”

This quote holds true for the above mentioned productions as well. These documentaries often present a chaotic picture of modern day Pakistan but rather than criticising the artists who highlight our cultural defects, if you follow Manto’s thought, they should work to improve the country’s social and moral standards. While documentaries try to present the truth, fiction knows no limits. Directors create movies out of their imagination. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/74356635[/embed] Most of these productions have limited budgets. In spite of these financial restrains, they are very good movies. Nevertheless, they failed to achieve world-wide distribution or even distribution in Pakistan. Without proper advertisement and financial assistance from big film distributors, distribution of these productions is very difficult. Unfortunately, the film industry is not supported by the government of Pakistan and it is very hard to find local producers and investors for international markets. By qualifying for different film festivals and winning critical acclaim, the filmmakers hope to get the attention that would lead to worldwide distribution. They have to go through furious competition to get selected for film festivals, where many of them have won awards in different categories. Regrettably, most of these movies are usually ignored by film critics and distributors, even if the audience present at the film festival enjoy and praise them. It is very unfortunate that most of these films will never be screened in Pakistan, not just because of financial reasons but also because of strict censorship and lack of good cinema houses. Pakistan’s strict and rigid censorship policy is a big stumbling block for freethinking and creativity. Even though the state’s control over electronic media has loosened up a lot in the last decade, somehow this liberation has not changed the old scripted policies for film industry censorship. Also, some creative film directors have had limited and disappointing screenings in Pakistan because these films touch topics that are unfamiliar or uncomfortable for Pakistani audiences, who are accustomed to commercial Bollywood productions. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/77798362[/embed] These movies have received mixed reviews from Americans. Usually, there is an interactive session after the premiere of a movie in a film festival, as these discussions play an important role in bridging the gap between different cultures. They enable the audience to get a greater insight into the film and provide the directors with an opportunity to emphasise their creative points of view and talk about different happenings behind the scenes. In my experience, all of these discussions left a good impression of Pakistan, showing its diversity and cultural beauty. On a few occasions, there were Caucasians in the audience who had traveled, lived and worked in Pakistan, and they shared their positive views and image of its people. Overall, I think these art productions are presenting a positive image of Pakistan and making cultural and social connections, which are currently much needed. The American youth frequently dream about a career in Hollywood and study music, dance and acting from elementary school to university level to fulfill their dreams. A film industry career is not a common life goal for most middle class Pakistani children. There are virtually no schools and institutions in Pakistan to teach acting and movie production techniques. Most of these independent film directors are self-taught and had started their careers making short music videos or documentaries. They worked hard against all odds to make their way up to the international market. Their original ideas, visions, creativity and determination have brought them to where they are today. These people have instilled hope and vision for the upcoming generation of the filmmakers and opened new avenues for them to explore. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/72043220[/embed] Most of these production teams are already working on their next film projects and I hope this film flow continues. There are rumours about Waar being released in the US after its international premier in the United Arab Emirates (UAE). While these talented artists look for big private sponsors and government subsidies and find new venues for their production, I want to support them by being present at the screening of all their movies in New York. The spurt has not stopped after a short burst of wonderful production. There are marvellous movies like Morqaye (Moor), Downward Dog, The Extortionist, Fatima and many others in the pipeline. Even if they do not have big budgets, they have catchy story lines, powerful imaginations and hard work to support them. These non-traditional pictures may never be able to compete with commercial movies of Bollywood but can leave their own positive impression on minds of viewers and critics alike.

Our ordeal had begun. She said to me,

“What if something goes wrong? We will be doomed, my whole life will be ruined and they might even kill me.”

Although I was scared, I responded in a brave voice,

“Don’t be scared, just have faith and everything will be alright.”

I don’t know if many people are aware about the unusual friendship between former United States President Lyndon B Johnson and a camel cart driver from Karachi, Pakistan. The friendship can be traced back to the early 1960s when, during an official visit to Pakistan, Lyndon Johnson – vice president at the time – saw a man standing on the street in Karachi with his camel, waving at the vice-presidential motorcade. Johnson asked a Pakistani government official to introduce him to the ‘camel guy’. The camel cart driver, Bashir Sarban, was extremely excited to shake hands with the vice president. He introduced himself in whatever little English he knew. In what came as a surprise to the mere camel cart driver, Johnson invited him to his ranch in Texas and to the White House. Bashir, probably thought that the president was joking. In this age of cynics and betrayal, we would probably brush off the meeting as a mere encounter that we would tell our grandchildren about one day. But we would believe that the president was just being kind and that he had too many things to think about, he would definitely not have time to think about us, or a mere camel cart driver in Pakistan. Besides that, haven’t we all heard of promises that never really come true? Mere words and no action? At best it was just a friendly encounter, nothing more. But this wasn’t just a friendly mention that would soon be forgotten... A few months later, as guest of the US government, Bashir Sarban flew to Washington DC. He was seen beaming with happiness at the airport. He was received as an official guest of the president and Johnson himself was present at the airport for him. He was given a tour of the White House, Capitol Hill and other monuments. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="519"] Bashir Sarban with Preseident Lyndon B Johnson[/caption] Later on, he went to the Johnson Ranch in Texas, where he enjoyed a ride in the Johnson’s truck and it was followed by a barbecue lunch feast. Bashir visited and gave a short speech at a local school in Washington DC through an interpreter, along with Ms Johnson and her daughter. Bashir was also presented a truck by the Ford Motor Company as a gift on his visit. On the day of his return, Bashir received a telegram from the US government that they have arranged for him to visit Saudi Arabia to perform Umrah (pilgrimage) to the holy city of Makkah.

“Allah o Akbar!” (God is great) the camel cart driver had exclaimed.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="200"]

Bashir Sarban in Texas, United States, visiting the Johnson Ranch.[/caption] He had tears in his eyes and his expressions showed how amazed he was by the hospitality of the US government and people. My mother had told me this story of Bashir Sarban when I was a little girl. Later on, I did my own research and read about this story in the Life, Time and Readers Digest magazines. [caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="448"]

Jackie Kennedy visiting Pakistan in 1963 and having a photo session with Bashir.[/caption] This act had helped in bringing the people of Pakistan and USA closer at that time. Many leading Pakistani newspapers had covered this story and highlighted it on their front pages. Both Bashir Ahmed and President Johnson passed away in the mid 70s – leaving behind a legacy of friendship between an American premiere and a Pakistani camel cart driver. Sometimes, such gestures of goodwill soften tense diplomatic relationships amongst two countries. Neither President Johnson nor Bashir Sarban is alive anymore but, to this day people, in Karachi and in Washington DC, talk of this unique friendship and echoes of this kindness still vibrate in the air. Even the smallest of deeds can create a long-lasting mark in history, and this incident is a testimony to that. Picture courtsey: Life Magazine

The triad of sociopathy refers to three behavioural characteristics that are associated with violent tendencies including murder and aggressive sexual behaviour. These characteristics include fire-setting, violence towards animals and bedwetting. A combination of any two is considered a sign for worry. Then there is compensation, a strategy whereby people cover up for their shortcomings, real or perceived, by excelling in other areas of life. This, in itself is quite normal. Children keep playing different sports till they find one they are good at and the ones who are subpar at all of them will usually end up burying themselves in books and getting good grades. Then there is overcompensation, a strategy whereby people cover up for their shortcomings, real or perceived, by aspiring for wealth, power and influence. Many people with this problem have a desire to show off their wealth in classless ways, such as announcing the price of a new high-end accessory or fishing for compliments for the same. You know them. They’re the ones who leave price tags on expensive shoes, show you the label of the designer they’re wearing or flash that gaudy new watch or ring in your face in an attempt to blind you. They are also the ones who must own big cars so that they can cover the dangerous and rugged terrain of Lahore and Karachi. Or maybe it is just because the psychology of physically sitting at a higher elevation than ‘commoners’. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screengrab from Vimeo[/caption] Why else would city folk race after a category of vehicle that is highly-polluting, has poor road performance and are usually no more aesthetically attractive than the average tank? I think I answered my own question. More on topic, an amateur video made in Lahore’s Safari Park shows what seems to be a group of Isloo boys – judging by their Sport Utility Vehicle’s (SUV) licence plate – with chips on their respective shoulders large enough to affect their posture and a car big enough to compensate for their shortcomings. These big strong men in their big bad SUV (NG-8) must have noticed that no one is cowering before them in the neighbouring sedans and coupes, so they went and put on a show to establish their class. Long story short, the young men drove off the path in the safari park and towards a group of lion cubs. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Screengrab from Vimeo[/caption] Once there, possibly offended by the fact that the lions didn’t rise to attention upon the sight of them, they tried to scare the young lions, and at a point appear to hit one, because torturing animals is a joyous activity — for budding sociopaths. [embed width="620"]http://vimeo.com/85087733[/embed] Unfortunately, because of the angle of the video, I cannot confirm if the mudguard a cub is playing with fell off the car before or after the cub was attacked, but maybe the action was revenge against the cub that ripped the mudguard off. Ha. Ha. Ha. Stupid animal. That’ll teach him to react playfully when a big shiny thing comes and parks itself next to it. I wonder how they react when the young of other species react to their big shiny toys the same way. If a puppy were to bite their toes, would they kick it, hit it with a car or try to teach it not to? As a bespectacled person, I know young children are fascinated by eyeglasses. Maybe they deserve a slap when they try to snatch them of my face. Or maybe they deserve a simple “Noooo!” backed up with a wagging finger and possibly a kiss on the head if they listen, because they are too young to know better. But then how will they know that I am a big, strong ‘manly’ man? One day they will, because when they grow up, they will see characteristics worthy of respect in the person who refused to strike them, such as simply being kind to others, with others including all life — two-legged, four-legged, three-legged, one-legged, eight-legged or no legged. On a separate note, violence is still treated as a spectacle in much of our society. Dogfights, cockfights and other such ‘sports’ have rabid following. The sight of an animal being slaughtered draws large crowds of blood enthusiasts. Even bomb sites and plane crashes draw ‘spectators’ who inspect the carnage and behave as if they are in an amusement park. I have personally slaughtered animals and later cooked them. They were delicious. But that doesn’t mean that I was full of joy while killing them. Each time, I felt sorry for them and had to remind myself to make sure death was as painless for them as possible, because even if they were ‘future food’, at the time, they were living, breathing creatures. But maybe that is just because I have a soul. As for the NG-8’s passengers, if you know them, make sure they do not like setting fires. Also, if their beds have a suspicious, dank smell, run. Pictures and video: Saad Sarfaraz Sheikh

Six of my favourite experiences while getting lost in the magical world of Turkey!

Is it too risky to become a Pakistani rock star instead of a banker?

If Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade was Pakistani, she would be doomed

A conversation between Ghalib and Iqbal

2013: The year Pakistan’s snooker players made us proud!

18 mind blowing quotes by Pakistani politicians in 2013

My lover, her father and the ‘honour’ that tore us apart

Mathira and her 12-year-old ‘jhoota’ Arbaz – does it get any weirder?

In Islamabad: “You can’t eat here because you are Pakistani”

Can a 12-year-old girl dance with Fawad Khan and sing about being together?

Gay or transgender: A psychiatrist’s perspective on Uzma Tahir’s show “Khufia”

Villains beware! The Justice League of Pakistan is here!

10 footballers of Pakistani descent who have made us proud

6 do’s and don’ts for Pakistani husbands

Pakistani housewives and the economy: Converting rupees to dollars… for handbags

Mirror mirror on the wall, why has Pakistan’s rowing team been forgotten by all?

Why are we being cut off from independent Pakistani films?

My lover, her father and the ‘honour’ that tore us apart

An unusual friendship between a Pakistani camel cart driver and an American president

Isloo boys, lion cubs in Lahore and a tale of lunacy